|   A Modest Excursion | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 11:52 AM | | Paramount Pictures, in conjunction with DelOrtiz Productions, Presents:
A Modest Excursion in three parts
I: Portland
This small adventure began the way they all begin-- getting lost in a strange state and driving loops around downtown trying to get back on the freeway.
Friday afternoon I went down to Portland to pick up our own Scrapee / ROTR / Tim, who was vacationing with Konaman in his chateau in lovely suburban Lake Oswego. Arriving at the scene proved simplicity itself, due to Konaman's terrific directions. Naturally this improved our confidence beyond what was actually appropriate for downtown Portland.
[Four hours of entertaining circumnavigation of scenic Portland, in which our heroes discover some pretty impressive steak fries but not much more than that, have been deleted from our narrative here.]
Returning to Oswego we hooked up with a friday night Konaman who took us down some dark, irreproducible turns back into the heart of Portland,
where the city has created a lovely urban playground on the Willamette. Miles of broad cement avenue annotated with obstacles progressing from tiny baby-step staircases (even graduated from two to ten steps!) for urban naifs like myself, to row upon row of three-foot drop ops and 30" hunks of columnar basalt, specifically for purposes of mocking riders who cant heft over those and bragging rights for them what can. ROTR was impressive, we were all suitably impressed.
Ive never urbanned at all before, let alone on a spanking clear night on a riverfront under a lovely old-town skyline. Damp, cool but not cold night plus warmish water sends a mist off the river that is just mesmerizing...
Fortunately there is also provided a lovely waist-high wrought iron railing so that I was not mesmerized right into the drink.
Konaman, ROTRNM and I did a quiet lap around the park. Down the esplanade; over to the Stadium (to be chased off by a very imporant looking fellow in stretch-knit uniform shirt and unfortunate hair)...
down to the Steel bridge across the river, down the other side--filled with the neatest little urban obstacles I ever did see. In the dark, I had no idea that we were riding on portland's Monument to WWII Japanese-American Internment:
 q
Really beautiful. I wish we'd thought to stop for some pics of the cherry trees over the monument at night. Talk about your peace like a river.
By now all of our heroes have gone fully long enough into this narrative without any beer, so all adjourn back across the Columbia to La Casa Del Yugo ElPerro, to meet Spideysgirl and La Missus Perro for a promised dinner... which turns out to be titanic portions of el puerco chile del tomatillo y something outstanding from a pig that died happy. *I* was happy. |
| Part II | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 11:59 AM | | Part II: Speak, Friend, and Enter
The next morning begins the way all such adventures begin.... with a wakeup-call ten minutes before we were sposed to be out the door, bits of bike gear and clothing scattered in all directions, all hopes of showers forgotten... frenzied last-minute search for coffee at zero dark thirty (well all right eight, but it was dank) through the streets of a strange town... and an hour of freeway travel towards an unknown destination.
Spideysgirl and myself were treated to one of those drives up the Columbia River that you could spend a lifetime trying to photograph-- the clouds come upriver from the sea and the sun comes downriver from the east, and all's right with the world.
Good thing too because this reporter was headed into a serious no- breakfast red-zone. Pursuant to promises of a Fred Meyer to stock up on trail goodies and breakfast, we gamely trailed El Auto Del Yugo del Perro up the highway, up the river... for an hour... no food in sight. Arrived at the Bakery in a town called, for no clear reason, "Bingen", Washington; sucessfully rendesvoused with Yoda in all his remarkable height; took care of provisioning requirements and proceeded to the trailhead.
The world is damp and enshrouded at this point so armor is a strap-em if ya got em affair. Attired up we weave off down an old cracked tarmac road.. under an unpleasant cliff of fractured basalt (top left of photo above). LOTS of large unpleasant fractures of basalt litter the path all around us. Tim and Yoda practice riding over them with youthful abandon. I carefully practice not imagining how they got there.
Now this portion of South/Eastern Washginton is verifiably a desert. Giant river on hand notwithstanding, I think they get ten inches of rain a year or something. However, the El Nino warm weather has created so many months of fog rolling up the river valley that this world has been watered into a new place altogether. No dust, no mud, no roots: just lovely, tacky, modestly steep, clean singletrack etched through a stubbly green nap under waving dry grass... like a zipper on velvet.
Not that any of us could climb this lovely creation, mind you. I dont know what Perro puts in his beer but Im suspecting foul play. Photo evidence of our climb up out of the valley has been withheld to protect the innocent.
Well except for this one
(as you can see there was also an inappropriate gravity in effect for our climb).
well, and this one
(as you can see there was also an inappropriate surplus humidity in effect for our climb)...
Once we rested at the top, we were treated to a view of what looked like nothing so much as something out of A River Runs Through It.. cut in at intervals with The Mines of Moria.
Really. We stopped at a of trail I think they call Little Moab, to work off our embarassment.
Certainly I remember Moab as being more rounded than this.
Dont fall to your death.
We sat down, admired the weather and the view,
played on some rocks, had some embarassing mechanicals.
(thats a look of Embarassment.)
Took abundant photos of Yoda and Tim both crashing on their respective heads, and Hugo pinch-flatting on a 2" drop or something.. All of which photos are safely esconced en las manos del Perro y Tim, and of yall are fully welcome to try your own hands at prying them loose.
Toddled on back down the hillside,
Spideysgirl drops in
Pup
regrouped, and had our tailgate lunch [photo missing]. |
| biff-- pix repost | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 1:42 PM | | "..Not that any of us could climb this lovely creation, mind you. I dont know what Perro puts in his beer but Im suspecting foul play. Photo evidence of our climb up out of the valley has been withheld to protect the innocent.
Well except for this one.."
...
"..Really. We stopped at a of trail I think they call Little Moab, to work off our embarassment.
Certainly I remember Moab as being more rounded than this..."
farg 600 pixel arg
P |
| Part III | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 12:05 PM | | Part III: Our Own Private Montana
The afternoon of this adventure began... deciding to shuttle to the top. Predictable navigation hilarities ensue.
And dear reader, those of you who have stayed with us this far will be rewarded: the rest of this narrative is carried in its near entirety by the following photoessay, as provided by our own Yoda, which is why there are so few pictures of him.
Missing otherwise are only photos of the elements you snatch from the periphery of vision on the way down: staccato gold oak leaves stapled at perfectly regular intervals across the trail like wallpaper... piles of them shussing (and slipping out) under your wheels around corner after corner.. breaking out across an open hillside sharp wind kicking up from the river causing everyone to push the speed up a notch... right-angle rocks that put your front wheel in an instant headlock; the sound ElPerro makes performing a perfect 9.8 clothesline with his forehead on an overhanging branch... flow after flow after flow across and down this river valley through scene change after scene change like the mountain bike movies you wish they'd make.
I have never had such a Bike Magazine day in my entire life.
Ladies and gentlemen, ElPerro, Yoda, ROTRNoMore, Spideysgirl and Pup bring you our Day on the Set of our Own River Runs through it, with Scenes from a Fall Afternoon in Moria.
Dont fall to your death.
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yoda
spideysgirl and pup
(yes thats Hugo's tree)
go ElPerro go
yes dammit that is a 55 degree grade we're traversing.. dont fall eh
spideysgirl toughs it out
.jpg)
.jpg)
ROTRNoMore drops in
There exist approximately four or six dozen more pictures, taken over these three spectacular hours; so, whomever would like to see more, please send your catcalls and boos to ROTRNM@wheresthedamnpics.org and ElPerroOrtiz@dammitHugo.net.
peace
Pup |
| Great pics! | Kitchenware
Dec 16, 2002 12:12 PM | | I don't remember what cam you're using, but it produces some vivid pics! Probably doesn't hurt that everything there looks like a post card. Great post
jim |
| Pics are **all** Yoda, yall | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 12:57 PM | | if I dint make that clear enough above.
Shots like that dont take themselves. Matthew, stand up and take a bow. Ladies and Gentlemen, Yoda everybody.
BIKE magazine here we come
P |
| Incredible!... | Titan
Dec 16, 2002 12:24 PM | | WA ride photos rarely have that "epic" feel to them unless you're East of the Cascade crest, where the claustrophobic rainforest gives way to meadows, deciduous trees, and big sky. Combine that stuff with the playful clouds you guys had and a little shooting skill and you've got some amazing photos! Enjoyed them a lot. |
| that's It! I need an XC bike! | JimC.
Dec 16, 2002 12:29 PM | | wayda minut, think I've done that before....
Great pix, Zoe, I wish I could have been with you! Glad to see you back in the saddle. Jim |
| Great effort on the pics | pedalAZ
Dec 16, 2002 12:33 PM | | Clearly, you had to go out of your way to get such good shots, with coooperatives subject, too. Thanks! |
| Well done! | mugg
Dec 16, 2002 1:02 PM | | Great post and pictures. Looks like great place to ride. Thanks for the passion hit. |
| Great pics and write up! | CraigH
Dec 16, 2002 1:11 PM | | Now I have to go ride there!
Maybe on the way back from the Hood gathering? |
| Very close to Hood River! | OldSchool
Dec 16, 2002 2:41 PM | | The ride area in question is about 15 minutes from Hood River. We SHOULD do it as part of the gathering.
Thanks for the post Yoda/Pup/(et.al). Very nice pictures. I may have to go out there this weekend.
Cheers,
Tim |
| Well done! | Raja
Dec 16, 2002 6:23 PM | | Thanks for all of the photos. I'll have to get out there and ride on that side of the river. I've always ridden on the Hood River side in the trees. |
| More??? Are you kidding? | KRob
Dec 18, 2002 5:11 PM | | I'm afraid I'd go into extreme sensory overload if I looked at any more of that eye-popping scenery. And, AND, if that's not bad enough, there's a beautiful, perfect ribbon of singletrack like "zippers on velvet" (great image!) running through the middle of it. Now I'm starting to go into spasms of mtb ecstasy because those perfect ribbons are filled with perfect, tacky dirt. UNCLE I cry, UNCLE. I can't take anymore. Please have mercy. One more pixel of perfection and I'm sure I'll die.
When is this Hood River gathering of which they speak? I definitely will have to make an attempt at being there. Thanks for the great post. |
| Could you re-post the 2 pics with broken links? NM | CraigH
Dec 16, 2002 1:04 PM | | nm |
| which? | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 1:25 PM | | they all display for me.... A couple are right up against the size limit but I can see them all. Gimme names eh
P |
| bigrock3.jpg and... | Stine
Dec 16, 2002 1:47 PM | | steelbrg.jpg
Under your heading post.
EXCELLANT post Puppers! |
| Very peculiar... | Pup
Dec 16, 2002 1:52 PM | | this is all a plot to get me to spazpost back to myself...
Requested pics are
and
Hmm.
P |
| LOL! Thanks! NM | CraigH
Dec 16, 2002 5:59 PM | | nm |
| wow | spideysgirl
Dec 16, 2002 9:03 PM | | Those photos turned out awesome! I never thought to see any of them! Thanks for the great writeup.
-Cyndy |
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